I don’t write in a journal everyday, but I have accumulated many entries over the past 50+ years beginning in 1966. Some items evolved into longer works. Among the leftovers little pieces survived. I thought a collection of these with a piece culled from the same date in a past year would make an interesting yearbook. The consistencies and inconsistencies of mind, skipping back and forth across time, provide varied perspectives. It is difficult to remember the context of the past we’ve lived; we also make suppositions about times that predate ourselves.

The few alterations from original drafts were to improve clarity. The worst of my work is not included. There remains enough mediocrity and immaturity to make me feel humble and you feel smart. There are also moments of accidental insight and incidental humor.

Author Stephen Crane referred to his little pieces as pills…apparently they were small and somewhat hard to swallow, but good for you.


Comments Welcome!

Thursday, November 30, 2017

induced sneeze


November 30, 2006  (I was 62)

         induced sneeze
When I have fallen flat at a wall
I was sure I could run through
in front of those who said Let’s see you try
I have retreated to a dim room
to taste alone the bitter humiliation
and savor it until it soured
Rolled it around my tongue until
acrid vapors mount nasal cavities
through eye sockets to cloud the brain
A few conscious breaths
and the hum of aum resonating
within Eustachian tubes and facial bones
triggers the sneeze reflex
to atomize every distasteful degradation
in that clarified instant

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Disturbed by my love


November 29, 1969  (I was 25)

Disturbed by my love
and my child’s nightmare
I stood beside the crib
trying to communicate strength
compassion and security
massaging her quaking form
firm back and smooth round ass
when I suddenly worried
that her dream was of me

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

You can live it over now


November 28, 2006  (I was 62)

You can live it over now
you can live it better
if you find a better place to live it
The best places have always been
those least changed by our things
Our great numbers are to be considered
but deconstructed greed reduces need
a non-electronic withdrawl
into the leafy world of was
a newhere beyond the vid game realm
where we really can believe we are not
both victim and perp in a drive by

Monday, November 27, 2017

random exchanges of Ollie and Stanley


November 27, 2010  (I was 66)

random exchanges of Ollie and Stanley

Ollie says either/or
Stanley says both/and

Ollie contemplates the empty shell
Stanley hears the ocean within

Ollie agitates Not now, I’m busy
Stanley utters Not busy, I’m now

In the cathedral Ollie pontificates
Do you comprehend the magnificence
Stanley whispers I can even see the echoes

-I did a series of pieces using Laurel and Hardy as
representations of right brain and left brain perception.
Not an original idea, I got it from Colin Wilson’s study,
Frankenstein’s Castle.  More appear in other posts. 

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Sui Shan Mai practices acupressure massage


from this week 2014  (I was 70)

Sui Shan Mai practices acupressure massage
At Zen Wellness center he is called Tommy
to make it easier for American clients to remember.
Even without his name they would remember the massage.
His technique accentuates the pressure.
Finding points in the body where pain resides
he ignites the fire in which healing hides.
He encircles the spot where nerve and muscle knot.
With sparks from his fingers
and the heat of his hands
he makes the ache dissipate.
He opens rusted channels of energy
and my breath like a blacksmith's bellows
blows out across the flame.

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Snowed-in


November 25, 1994  (I was 60)

Snowed-in
as in a thousand poems before
in a split-log Sierra cabin,
held stationary by snow that has strained my back,
and kept indoors by blizzard winds
that would obliterate in white transformation
even my steadiest pace.
In my life I have moved away from arctic influences,
and I visit only to play.
In similar circumstances
winters ago, I’d have speculated upon the nature
of isolation and frailty and fate,
some image of the Donner party and cold beauty
or the sound of plows moving in and out of fog
as they went about their relentless business.
Winters ago I’d have looked for an internal meaning
and revelation of an ambiguous truth.
Now I know white snow of midday is blue in the evening,
and vociferous wind is seldom sustained.

Friday, November 24, 2017

Two French students of philosophy


November 24, 1992  (I was 48)

         Two French students of philosophy, Jacques and René,
were on their way to the university to take an examination on the
principles of the Cartesian view of the mechanistic clockwork of life. 
They had studied long, and success in the test was essential to the
students’ academic advancement.
         Passing a brothel in route to the university, Jacques was
suddenly overtaken by libidinal desires.  He decided to forgo the
examination to satisfy this more basic passion. He urged friend René
to accompany him to the den of inequity. René demurred, and left for
the school while Jacques entered the “établissement de l’amour.”
         In the examination room, the professor inquired of René
regarding the absence of his fellow, Jacques.  René replied, “Alas,
Jacques is always one to put the whores before Descartes.”

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Ollie and Stanley in the Garden


November 23, 2010  (I was 66)

             Ollie and Stanley in the Garden
Ollie:      Stanley, what do you do when you have no
             money for food?
Stanley:  I admire someone’s garden
Ollie:      And what will that do?
Stanley:  I don’t know.  I just know hunger makes it
             easy to admire a garden.
Ollie:      Would you steal some vegetables if no one
             was looking?
Stanley:  Well, that would depend, wouldn’t it?
Ollie:      Depend on the kind of vegetables, how many
             there were, who owned them, how much they
             would be missed?
Stanley:  Yes, those things and maybe more.
Ollie:      And what would you know if you had all that
              information?
Stanley:  I’d know how hungry I really was.

-I did a series of pieces using Laurel and Hardy as
representations of right brain and left brain perception.
Not an original idea, I got it from Colin Wilson’s study,
Frankenstein’s Castle.  More appear in other posts. 

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Art Work


November 22, 1991  (I was 47)

                             Art Work
Twenty-eight years after that gray day at the tv in Minnesota
(That thankless November began the coldest of winters.)
I’m in Washington D.C. ignoring gray rain,
avoiding wet turf at Arlington Cemetery, and its flame,
standing in the Hirshhorn Gallery, second floor near the escalator.

A Robert Motherwell collage done in November of ‘73
looks at first flippant- a crude presidential portrait
torn from packaging cardboard with two labels attached-
a baggage sticker from JFK airport
and directly above it an inverted mailing lablel
addressed to Motherwell in N.Y. from a California company
called Gemini.

A seam of packing tape bisects the two labels.
The mailing label is part of the right temple of the President’s profile.
The JFK sticker is on his right cheek.
(If the taped seam were folded upon itself,
the label and the sticker would meet face to face.)

The shoulders and the chest of the forward leaning figure
are formed entirely as a larged painted red heart
beneath the cardboard head.
The figure is surrounded by rough-brushed yellow-brown.
Dry brushstrokes in the background color imply the Kennedy hair
around the pasteboard face.
His corrugated eye was meticulously torn,

and then I notice the horrible familiarity
of that forward leaning pose.
And isn’t that a big D brushed in behind the President’s head?
And those spatters of darker brown in front of the throat,
and that faintly indicated right arm reaching
with the hand to the throat.

And the packing tape seam is at the flap
of the awful grassy knoll wound.
And Motherwell’s name is above the seam
though it is still,
at this moment, attached, and the piece
is called Gemini.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Before this


November 21, 1974  (I was 30)

Before this
the wind blew straight down.
Hairstyles changed.
Some wondered when it would blow up.
The sheep didn’t care
the wool was over there eyes.
Skyscrapers?   Banal.
Who could look up?
The wind blew straight down;
we couldn’t lift the manhole covers.
Airlines were suddenly grounded;
stocks fell.
The waters were calm.
Sir Edmund Hillary was called a cheat.
Some old folks were caught prone.
How long can this keep up? became the joke.
The wind blew straight down.
It seemed like it would happen forever,
yet here we still are.
I never ate so many potatoes.
I never realized Newtonian physics
could be so ethereal,
and I hadn’t believed
chaos could be so quickly accommodated.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Universal polarities


November 20, 2010  (I was 66)

Universal polarities
resolve in the nether of transition
the crickets cease

A great lesson of friendship
is learning to mistrust
without animosity

Friendship is measured
in distances
between points of agreement

Friendships require
aiding and abetting
Friendship and expectation are synonymous

Friendships pass in the night
Resolve dissipates in the steam
of another cup of coffee

Resolve is the prayer of hangovers
Resolve is one half the argument

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Oh Adeline, why are you mine?


November 19, 1977  (I was 33)

Oh Adeline, why are you mine?
You came in on my birthday
With a red ribbon in your hair
All your shit all those years
Another birthday and you’re still here

Oh Adeline, why are you mine:
You strut around with your ass in the air
Can you really feel so fine
Adeline, don’t you care
Quit your lowdown feline ways Adeline

Oh why are you mine?

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Kilkare Woods Cabin


November 18, 2007  (I was 63)        

         Kilkare Woods Cabin
Because we were young
we could live in a rented split log cabin
that leaked heat and sometimes sewage
from the jury-rigged joints of plastic pipe
strapped under the house in a decline
to settle underground into septic tank
I’d reattach them and rake out the muck

Up a no-exit winding road into the woods
it most often seemed an adventure
in Sleepy Hollow or Sherwood Forest
an affordable daily vacation
a rural retreat for the kids and cats
too secluded for poverty
too exclusive for the rich

Friday, November 17, 2017

Fred and Other Realities


November 17, 1975  (I was 31)

         Fred and Other Realities
Fred learned not to disregard other realities
in reactionary defense of his own.
Fuck you Fred, others said to him
and Fred would listen attentively
having no real stake in the outcome
and only physical presence in the argument

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Robert F. Nick A.


November 16, 2007  (I was 62)

Robert F.
It occurred to me to try to write
something playing off indifference
and desire.  As soon as the thought
formulated, there was “Fire and Ice.”
Never mind on that one! It’s a poem
easily tossed into jr. high anthologies
but brilliant anywhere you encounter it
and for as long as you encounter it-
precise bit of surgery, and I thought
Frost was a pitcher.
Nick A.
wrote, “All the smart stuff was easy.”
“The only writing that was any good
was what you made up.”
“Against this age, skyscraper primitives…”
and Nick Adams created one
most conspicuous in his time.
“That made everything come true.”
The engineer of the edifice
from the fabricator of artifice,
the steep-pitched steeple
the lighthouse beacon tower
then the rotunda dome
of the literary casino,
the Taj Mahal, a mausoleum.
.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

play


November 15, 1975  (I was 31)

                play
all the men organize themselves
along the line of scrimmage
something will happen soon
the diagrams have been made
the chalk has talked X ‘s and O’s
patterns and routes assigned
ball handlers designated
situations have been reviewed
huddles held
(offensive) and (defensive)
signals called options mentioned
deceptions implied formations set
each now alone hears everything and sees it all
knowledge awaits the snap

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

global Illiteracy


from this week in 2007  (I was 63)

    global Illiteracy
I’ve never read your country
nor found it on a map
never seen a travel video
don’t know what religion restricts you
what politics suppress you
what customs you inhabit
or foods you will not eat
what resources you hoard
nor the weapons you have built
the prisoners you keep or kill
for the currency you coin
the neighbors you cannot trust
and all the others whom you fear
what artistry is attempted
ideas sanctioned to discuss
If I knew this about your nation
I could tell you were like us

Monday, November 13, 2017

A Composite


November 13, 2011, 2012, 2013 combined  (I was 66, 67, 68)

My country has become black or white
or silver in a colorless choice of cars
But for point of view red or blue
We chose a hue instead of the stars

There is continual allowance for everyone’s illusions
with particular tolerance for family at hand
There is understated hypocrisy         
in the understood subject
in the second person of an imperative statement
Live!

Only the living can write or say
how heroic the dead were to die
and if you want to say they were heroes
so say I

Sunday, November 12, 2017

You and me we


November 12, 1974  (I was 29)   

You and me we
aint the kind
called a credit to the race
are we
Most don’t look
and none of ‘em hear
They don’t know and
we could care
could we
It’s not the same
the world’s changed
We stepped out and they
say we fell behind
but we didn’t did we
We been there
and we oughta know
if anyone does
We seen it heard it touched it
Hell I even tasted it
but they never been anywhere else
have they
We’ve thrown out
more’n they ever brought in
You know this better’n me
I don’t need to tell you
I’ve seen it in your eyes
the way you walk
I can hear it in your voice
A lot of them had it easy not us
We paid our dues together
and people like us
we’ll be together to the end
won’t we

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Certain


from this week in November, 2012  (I was 68)

Certain
things offer points of common perception
bits of acknowledged existence
place holders in reality, retainers
of a consciousness otherwise lost in time,
triggers that bring a target to view
focused in the crosshairs of a shot
fired long ago across a neurological galaxy
A true talisman is created of its own accord
but in our presence, a dormant awareness,
a patient familiarity awaits revelation
A found talisman from another era
of obvious import in design and heavy
with foreign significance,
is a substance emanating potential

Friday, November 10, 2017

hitch-hiker


November 10, 1970  (I was 25)

         hitch-hiker
I gave a man a ride today
he said he was fifty-six
I only knew he had an old mouth
said he’d slept outside last night
only had a cup of coffee
and that was yesterday morning
We talked of hitch-hiking and I lied
for one reason or another
about understanding what it was to be fifty-six and
on the road  Then rather than lie some more
I stopped talking and listened
Now with Nixon was like then with Hoover
It’s hell to get a job when you’re fifty-six
Unloaded a lot of frozen beef in Oakland
working for those damned Texans who never worked
will barely give you a rag
and won’t buy you a cup of coffee
California is filled to the brim with people
who thought it would be something better
and people think because you’re 56 and hitch-hiking
you got a gun and want to rob them
They never think maybe you want to go somewhere
I dropped him at Big Daddy’s  He took a quarter and said
“Both ways”

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Cold Mountain retreat


from this week in November, 2014  (I was 69)

Cold Mountain retreat
retirement lair
Luck has me in a comfortable cave
I get warm but not often hot
sometimes cool but sheltered from frost
I shun the absolutes
They pay me no attention
A pension I have discovered to be sufficient
The zealots climb above into snow
The indolent sit at the fire below
Above me passion extinguished
Below me indifference inflamed
Hidden away temperate contemplation
elemental concerns out in the open

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Can’t excuse my hiding from the muse


November 8, 2011  (I was 66)   

Can’t excuse my hiding from the muse
jes petering around
O’tooling around the bush
jes jazzing around
wanderin a garden with John Gardner
meta-fictionally speaking in dialect
trying on shoes sitting clueless
sitting shoeless trying on clues
jes jazzing around
The muse spews rhymes from his pocket
talks it like he was made of em
can abuse booze lose it and snooze
read news of contrary views
acute or obtuse
strain sinews
putting the screws to delusion
the fuse in confusion

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Magicians


November 7, 1974 (I was 29)
 
         Magicians
                  1
Formulae are not magic;
precise measurements are made in the corroded kitchen
(the technicians are clean but their chemicals corrode).
Precise measurements produce the desired compounds.
The automated scientist makes the right moves
and molecular orbits are reordered,
routine practiced and polished.
                 2
The truth of routine is extended lie;
it does not have a day one.
Its deadly infinity is both linear and circular;
repetition becomes a subtle puzzle,
a rubber stamp applied with random force,
the jigsaw continuity of separate reality,
ink arranged in capillaries.
                 3
Magic is the end not the means.
The result of the experiment is predetermined,
the eye becomes a caliper, the hand a scale pan
the ear a syncopated metronome.
The tuned performer is in harmony with the performance;
the volunteer is levitated
but it’s the magician who feels like he’s floating.
                 4
After awhile there are no tricks.
The wand disappears, the arc is still there,
a comet as quick as we imagine comets to be.
Sneer of cold command weathers to benign smile,
incantation gives way to chanting.
The audience is made of stone
and water and tree and cloud and stars.

Monday, November 6, 2017

Upon the teachings of Pulin Garg


December 6, 1974  (I was 30)
           
     Upon the teachings of Pulin Garg
Accept other perceptions of the self
I am this and more
I am the asshole you perceive
and the saint my mother knew
I accept the personage of honest perception
without reservation or obligation
The free ego continues to select its roles
                        *
Walking through Sather Gate
I saw a beautiful young woman
approaching me directly
I stepped up to her
put my arms about her
and kissed her on the lips
suddenly she said
oh you have ruined my experiment
What experiment?
I was advancing straight toward men
counting how many would pass on the right
and how many on the left
but you came straight ahead and kissed me