I don’t write in a journal everyday, but I have accumulated many entries over the past 50+ years beginning in 1966. Some items evolved into longer works. Among the leftovers little pieces survived. I thought a collection of these with a piece culled from the same date in a past year would make an interesting yearbook. The consistencies and inconsistencies of mind, skipping back and forth across time, provide varied perspectives. It is difficult to remember the context of the past we’ve lived; we also make suppositions about times that predate ourselves.

The few alterations from original drafts were to improve clarity. The worst of my work is not included. There remains enough mediocrity and immaturity to make me feel humble and you feel smart. There are also moments of accidental insight and incidental humor.

Author Stephen Crane referred to his little pieces as pills…apparently they were small and somewhat hard to swallow, but good for you.


Comments Welcome!

Tuesday, November 30, 2021

induced sneeze

 

November 30, 2006  (I was 62)

 

         induced sneeze

When I have fallen flat at a wall

I was sure I could run through

in front of those who said Let’s see you try

I have retreated to a dim room

to taste alone the bitter humiliation

and savor it until it soured

Rolled it around my tongue until

acrid vapors mount nasal cavities

through eye sockets to cloud the brain

A few conscious breaths

and the hum of aum resonating

within Eustachian tubes and facial bones

triggers the sneeze reflex

to atomize every distasteful degradation

in that clarified instant

Monday, November 29, 2021

Disturbed by my love

 

November 29, 1969  (I was 25)

 

Disturbed by my love

and my child’s nightmare

I stood beside the crib

trying to communicate strength

compassion and security

massaging her quaking form

firm back and smooth round ass

when I suddenly worried

that her dream was of me

 

Sunday, November 28, 2021

You can live it over now

 

November 28, 2006  (I was 62)

 

You can live it over now

you can live it better

if you find a better place to live it

The best places have always been

those least changed by our things

Our great numbers are to be considered

but deconstructed greed reduces need

a non-electronic withdrawl

into the leafy world of was

a newhere beyond the vid game realm

where we really can believe we are not

both victim and perp in a drive by

Saturday, November 27, 2021

random exchanges of Ollie and Stanley

 

November 27, 2010  (I was 66)

 

random exchanges of Ollie and Stanley

 

Ollie says either/or

Stanley says both/and

 

Ollie contemplates the empty shell

Stanley hears the ocean within

 

Ollie agitates Not now, I’m busy

Stanley utters Not busy, I’m now

 

In the cathedral Ollie pontificates

Do you comprehend the magnificence

Stanley whispers I can even see the echoes

 

-I did a series of pieces using Laurel and Hardy as

representations of right brain and left brain perception.

Not an original idea, I got it from Colin Wilson’s study,

Frankenstein’s Castle.  More appear in other posts. 

Friday, November 26, 2021

Sui Shan Mai practices acupressure massage

 

from this week 2014  (I was 70)

 

Sui Shan Mai practices acupressure massage

At Zen Wellness center he is called Tommy

to make it easier for American clients to remember.

Even without his name they would remember the massage.

His technique accentuates the pressure.

Finding points in the body where pain resides

he ignites the fire in which healing hides.

He encircles the spot where nerve and muscle knot.

With sparks from his fingers

and the heat of his hands

he makes the ache dissipate.

He opens rusted channels of energy

and my breath like a blacksmith's bellows

blows out across the flame.

Thursday, November 25, 2021

Snowed-in

 

November 25, 1994  (I was 60)

 

Snowed-in

as in a thousand poems before

in a split-log Sierra cabin,

held stationary by snow that has strained my back,

and kept indoors by blizzard winds

that would obliterate in white transformation

even my steadiest pace.

In my life I have moved away from arctic influences,

and I visit only to play.

In similar circumstances

winters ago, I’d have speculated upon the nature

of isolation and frailty and fate,

some image of the Donner party and cold beauty

or the sound of plows moving in and out of fog

as they went about their relentless business.

Winters ago I’d have looked for an internal meaning

and revelation of an ambiguous truth.

Now I know white snow of midday is blue in the evening,

and vociferous wind is seldom sustained.

Wednesday, November 24, 2021

Two French students of philosophy

 

November 24, 1992  (I was 48)

 

         Two French students of philosophy, Jacques and René,

were on their way to the university to take an examination on the

principles of the Cartesian view of the mechanistic clockwork of life. 

They had studied long, and success in the test was essential to the

students’ academic advancement.

         Passing a brothel in route to the university, Jacques was

suddenly overtaken by libidinal desires.  He decided to forgo the

examination to satisfy this more basic passion. He urged friend René

to accompany him to the den of inequity. René demurred, and left for

the school while Jacques entered the “établissement de l’amour.”

         In the examination room, the professor inquired of René

regarding the absence of his fellow, Jacques.  René replied, “Alas,

Jacques is always one to put the whores before Descartes.”

Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Ollie and Stanley in the Garden

 

November 23, 2010  (I was 66)

 

             Ollie and Stanley in the Garden

Ollie:      Stanley, what do you do when you have no

             money for food?

Stanley:  I admire someone’s garden

Ollie:      And what will that do?

Stanley:  I don’t know.  I just know hunger makes it

             easy to admire a garden.

Ollie:      Would you steal some vegetables if no one

             was looking?

Stanley:  Well, that would depend, wouldn’t it?

Ollie:      Depend on the kind of vegetables, how many

             there were, who owned them, how much they

             would be missed?

Stanley:  Yes, those things and maybe more.

Ollie:      And what would you know if you had all that

              information?

Stanley:  I’d know how hungry I really was.

 

-I did a series of pieces using Laurel and Hardy as

representations of right brain and left brain perception.

Not an original idea, I got it from Colin Wilson’s study,

Frankenstein’s Castle.  More appear in other posts. 

Monday, November 22, 2021

Art Work

 

November 22, 1991  (I was 47)

 

                             Art Work

Twenty-eight years after that gray day in Minnesota

(That thankless November began the coldest of winters.)

I’m in Washington D.C. ignoring gray rain,

avoiding wet turf at Arlington Cemetery, and its flame,

standing in the Hirshhorn Gallery, second floor near the escalator.

 

A Robert Motherwell collage done in November of ‘73

looks at first flippant- a crude presidential portrait

torn from packaging cardboard with two labels attached-

a baggage sticker from JFK airport

and directly above it an inverted mailing lablel

addressed to Motherwell in N.Y. from a California company

called Gemini.

 

A seam of packing tape bisects the two labels.

The mailing label is part of the right temple of the President’s profile.

The JFK sticker is on his right cheek.

(If the taped seam were folded upon itself,

the label and the sticker would meet face to face.)

 

The shoulders and the chest of the forward leaning figure

are formed entirely as a larged painted red heart

beneath the cardboard head.

The figure is surrounded by rough-brushed yellow-brown.

Dry brushstrokes in the background color imply the Kennedy hair

around the pasteboard face.

His corrugated eye was meticulously torn,

 

and then I notice the horrible familiarity

of that forward leaning pose.

And isn’t that a big D brushed in behind the President’s head?

And those spatters of darker brown in front of the throat,

and that faintly indicated right arm reaching

with the hand to the throat.

 

And the packing tape seam is at the flap

of the awful grassy knoll wound.

And Motherwell’s name is above the seam

though it is still,

at this moment, attached, and the piece

is called Gemini.

Sunday, November 21, 2021

Before this

 

November 21, 1974  (I was 30)

 

Before this

the wind blew straight down.

Hairstyles changed.

Some wondered when it would blow up.

The sheep didn’t care

the wool was over their eyes.

Skyscrapers?   Banal.

Who could look up?

The wind blew straight down;

we couldn’t lift the manhole covers.

Airlines were suddenly grounded;

stocks fell.

The waters were calm.

Sir Edmund Hillary was called a cheat.

Some old folks were caught prone.

How long can this keep up? became the joke.

The wind blew straight down.

It seemed like it would happen forever,

yet here we still are.

I never ate so many potatoes.

I never realized Newtonian physics

could be so ethereal,

and I hadn’t believed

chaos could be so quickly accommodated.

Saturday, November 20, 2021

Cats in the carnival game

 

from this week in 2018  (I was 74)

 

Cats in the carnival game to be toppled

off their fence by baseballs thrown

by rubes three for a quarter  Three cats

upset to win a stuffed bear your choice

of plushy colors hung about the tented concession

Cats so easily tumbled by tosses

casually pitched by the pitchman yeowling

“Three pussies down and you pluck the one

your girlfriend wants to cuddle”

You plunk down enough quarters to buy a bear

before she leads you out of there empty-handed

Friday, November 19, 2021

Oh Adeline, why are you mine?

 

November 19, 1977  (I was 33)

 

Oh Adeline, why are you mine?

You came in on my birthday

With a red ribbon in your hair

All your shit all those years

Another birthday and you’re still here

 

Oh Adeline, why are you mine:

You strut around with your ass in the air

Can you really feel so fine

Adeline, don’t you care

Quit your lowdown feline ways Adeline

 

Oh why are you mine?

Thursday, November 18, 2021

Kilkare Woods Cabin

 

November 18, 2007  (I was 63)        

 

         Kilkare Woods Cabin

Because we were young

we could live in a rented split log cabin

that leaked heat and sometimes sewage

from the jury-rigged joints of plastic pipe

strapped under the house in a decline

to settle underground into the septic tank

I’d reattach them and rake out the muck

 

Up a no-exit winding road into the woods

it most often seemed an adventure

in Sleepy Hollow or Sherwood Forest

an affordable daily vacation

a rural retreat for the kids and cats

too secluded for poverty

too exclusive for the rich

Wednesday, November 17, 2021

Fred and Other Realities

 

November 17, 1975  (I was 31)

 

         Fred and Other Realities

Fred learned not to disregard other realities

in reactionary defense of his own.

Fuck you Fred, others said to him

and Fred would listen attentively

having no real stake in the outcome

and only physical presence in the argument

Tuesday, November 16, 2021

Robert F.

 

November 16, 2007  (I was 62)

 

Robert F.

It occurred to me to try to write

something playing off indifference

and desire.  As soon as the idea

formulated, there was “Fire and Ice.”

Never mind on that one! It’s a poem

easily tossed into jr. high anthologies

but brilliant anywhere you encounter it

and for as long as you encounter it-

a precise bit of surgery.

I think I remember Frost was a pitcher

with a fast ball and a deceptive curve.

Monday, November 15, 2021

play

 

November 15, 1975  (I was 31)

 

                play

all the men organize themselves

along the line of scrimmage

something will happen soon

the diagrams have been made

the chalk has talked X ‘s and O’s

patterns and routes assigned

ball handlers designated

situations have been reviewed

huddles held

(offensive) and (defensive)

signals called options mentioned

deceptions implied formations set

each now alone hears everything and sees it all

knowledge awaits the snap

Sunday, November 14, 2021

Just out the door and down the street

 

November 14, 1976  (I was 31)  

 

Just out the door and down the street

outside this literary stupor

exists a world of real people and real things

things of weight and measure bought and sold

cups of coffee drunk

boards nailed together

The newspaper is read

last night’s TV editorial is parroted

Clocks tell you where you are

straight-forward and in a hurry

Things get done business is transacted

with just the kind of people you want to see

when there is nothing more you can do with the pipes

Their every moment devoured by action aimed at purpose

people with a quick ignorance of any karma beyond next Tuesday

and a hatred of anything done for free

Saturday, November 13, 2021

global Illiteracy

 

November 13, 2007.  (I was 63)

 

       global Illiteracy

I’ve never read your country

nor found it on a map

never seen a travel video

don’t know what religion restricts you

what politics suppress you

what customs you inhabit

or foods you will not eat

what resources you hoard

nor the weapons you have built

the prisoners you keep or kill

for the currency you coin

the neighbors you cannot trust

and all the others whom you fear

what artistry is attempted

ideas sanctioned to discuss

If I knew this about your nation

I could tell you were like us

Friday, November 12, 2021

You and me we

 

November 12, 1974  (I was 29)   

 

You and me we

aint the kind

called a credit to the race

are we

Most don’t look

and none of ‘em hear

They don’t know and

we could care

could we

It’s not the same

the world’s changed

We stepped out and they

say we fell behind

but we didn’t did we

We been there

and we oughta know

if anyone does

We seen it heard it touched it

Hell I even tasted it

but they never been anywhere else

have they

We’ve thrown out

more’n they ever brought in

You know this better’n me

I don’t need to tell you

I’ve seen it in your eyes

the way you walk

I can hear it in your voice

A lot of them had it easy not us

We paid our dues together

and people like us

we’ll be together to the end

won’t we