I don’t write in a journal everyday, but I have accumulated many entries over the past 50+ years beginning in 1966. Some items evolved into longer works. Among the leftovers little pieces survived. I thought a collection of these with a piece culled from the same date in a past year would make an interesting yearbook. The consistencies and inconsistencies of mind, skipping back and forth across time, provide varied perspectives. It is difficult to remember the context of the past we’ve lived; we also make suppositions about times that predate ourselves.

The few alterations from original drafts were to improve clarity. The worst of my work is not included. There remains enough mediocrity and immaturity to make me feel humble and you feel smart. There are also moments of accidental insight and incidental humor.

Author Stephen Crane referred to his little pieces as pills…apparently they were small and somewhat hard to swallow, but good for you.


Comments Welcome!

Monday, September 30, 2019

Incant for September 30


September 30, 1973  (I was 28)

   Incant for September 30
In other years
I have believed,
I have acknowledged
the magic of ritual,
the panacea of incantation,
the forceful paths of planets.

October has been
one of my good months,
the autumnal recess,
reflection and changing colors,
wind and clean air,
rain and moss in the woods.

This year,
faith was last year.
Hope is a wish
for an ironic joke of optimism,
a magical laugh
issuing from dark stars.

Expectation is a dream,
wonder is naïve.
I watch children
passing out the door
and back in again;
futile summer is on some other side.

oh light dark duality
pulse polarity
hot cold
insane humane
release me sun
carry me rain

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Stanley likes to skate


September 29, 2010  (I was 65)

Stanley likes to skate
Ollie buys the tickets
Stanley watches the performer practicing
and imitates his confident stride
Ollie knows he is out of shape
and the cost of medical bills
sees another tumble and skates along the rail
Stanley rounds the curve to hook Ollie’s arm
Stanley slows Ollie gets up to speed
Stanley glides in humble pride
Ollie in arrogant fear
a competent partnering

-I began a series of pieces using Laurel and Hardy as
representations of right brain and left brain perception.
Not an original idea, I got it from Colin Wilson’s study,
Frankenstein’s Castle.  More appear in other posts.

Saturday, September 28, 2019

Down at the vehicle house


September 28, 1975  (I was 30)

Down at the vehicle house
they congregate in the driveway.
Each day as I pass
I see the supplicating parishioners
bent over like ostriches into open hoods
of the car, station wagon, camper truck, tractor
and jeep.  They climb in and out
of the boat.  Mary and Joe Vehicle
watch the earth mover clearing more space
next to the triple stall garage whose doors
are always open.  Neighbors seem to drop by often
Young Jesse flies by on his un-muffled cycle
to give the boot to a few garbage cans
on his winding way up the hill.
His sister kicks the horse into third gear
riding bareback across the field.
These people are movers;
they are not about to ignore the salesman’s dogma
steaming off the showroom floor
They know that getting there is more
than half the fun.  This family is tuned
and running smooth.  Only a spark gap
separates their generations.

Friday, September 27, 2019

late night in Long Beach


September 27, 2012  (I was 67)

late night in Long Beach
reading Shunryo Suzuki’s, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

The swinging door of the throat
the singularity of duality
To hear a dumpster diver in the alley
is to smell the dumpster into which I do not dive
To not read the book I read
the diver becomes one of my characters
working in my alley making noise
stirring up scents he does not smell
until he sees the reading light in my window

Thursday, September 26, 2019

Last Night September rain


September26, 1971  (I was 26)

Last Night September rain
began to launder the trees.
They will shrink, fade and run,
lose leaves like buttons.

The cold clotheslines are bare,
we hide our bodies in thicker coats,
play ballads on the phonograph,
the tragic refrain in the air.

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Translating Tao as the way

from this week of September, 2018  (I was 73)

Translating Tao as the way
whether the actual path through leaves
across bridges and the rip rap below the cliffs
or as the method the gait and pace
or the resolution of polarity the practice
a pursuit of personal perception of highest good
a view of one-ness the uni-verse
the single poem one line solitary word
inclusive of all before distinctions were created
All the droplets that comprise the flow
the stars from here a milky way
the visible yet incomprehensible reality
the non-dual nature of suchness
intuitive indivisibility
spontaneously disciplined liberation
from separateness yet I resist the other
as the other repels me as well
our sameness anti-magnetic

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Passing Time


September 24, 1974  (I was 29)

Passing Time
My wife’s old aunts live
across the street from their cemetery plots
Quite a view
from the window above the kitchen sink
They already live in trailer homes
Actually quite spacious they say
as one washes and the other one dries
They walk over there everyday
It’s good exercise they say
and they are nothing if not ordered and regular
It’s not sad at all barely poignant 
Rather efficient emotionally speaking
I can admire that
I’d like to be buried in a hole
convenient to the digger
I don’t like fire or cold water
but I wouldn’t complain
if they took my ashes to the ocean
and threw them in there

Monday, September 23, 2019

Older vultures know


September 23, 1998  (I was 53)

Older vultures know
the invisible adversary;
lack of will makes the mountain,
and the updraft
once so exhilarating
brings fatigue of oxygen deprivation.
Missing wing feathers
destabilize flight;
beauty now,
a struggle for efficiency,
for continuity of thought,
physical resolve
against the strength of gravity,
shoulder tugging neck burning
weakness of heart.

Sunday, September 22, 2019

Ollie and Stanley at the Studio


September 22, 2010  (I was 65)

                  Ollie and Stanley at the Studio

Ollie:  in disgust, Look at us; Stanley does so.  I can not get us a contract with the studio. 
Stanley:  I think you can, emphasizing the I.
Ollie: I could not even get in the door; Stanley stares blankly at Ollie’s girth.           I was speaking figuratively, emphasizing the figuratively.  I could not      get an appointment.
Stanley:  I think you could, emphasizing the you.
Ollie: I could not.  They see only agents.  We have no money for an         agent.
Stanley:  You could be our agent.
Ollie:  I am not an agent.  I do not have the experience.
Stanley: What are you?
Ollie:  pauses, I am an actor, emphasizing the actor.
Stanley:  Act like an agent.
Ollie:  How does an agent act?
Stanley:  Exactly the question an actor should ask. 
            Ollie smiles intrigued, drumming his finger tips on his chest.

Cut to a cleaned and polished Ollie as he is ushered into the office of a studio executive.  Stanley follows exhibiting quiet curiosity. 

Executive: reads Ollie’s business card, Oliver Olivier, Talent Agent. 
         Never heard of you, who do you represent?
Ollie:  Abroad, I represent a guild of noted thespians; to Hollywood, I     bring the team of Laurel and Hardy.
Executive:  Never heard of them; he indicates Stanley, And who is this?
Ollie:  The pair perform in all genres.  This is Stanley Laurel of said duo, also my partner.  I am Hardy. 
Executive:  I can see that.
Ollie:  I mean, I am Oliver Hardy.
Executive:  I thought your name was Oliver Olivier.
Ollie:  That’s my agensorial name, so to speak.
Executive:  What sort of act do you do?
Ollie:  Though we’ve played every endeavor of the theatre arts, I am      often typecast as a sophisticated gentleman of means, with     Stanley as my gentleman’s gentleman.  Stanley brushes off the        shoulders of Ollie’s jacket.  Mr. Laurel has played Watson to my      Holmes –though that seemed to create some audience        confusion.  In Chatacqua revue we did Socratic dialogues, highly     esoteric and highly regarded.
         Throughout, Stanley performs subtle expressions, bits of mime, all conveying support for Ollie.

Executive:  Why should I contract you.  Your story is the same as every   potential waiter in town.
Ollie:  We work cheap.
Stanley:  He works cheap; I work for nothing.  Ollie smacks Stanley with his          hat. 
Ollie:  I thought we agreed that you’d shut up and leave the agenting to          me.  Stanley is forlorn.
Stanley:  But Ollie, you are not telling Mr. Executive the most important thing.  to the Executive:  Ollie is seriously funny.  In any role he    plays, emphasizing the any.  Ollie turns crimson.  He is irate and    attempts to shove Stanley behind him.
Ollie:  I have never played a clown, never the buffoon, naught the joker.          I do not say funny things.
Stanley:  calmly, No, you say things funny.
Ollie:  Stanley, you irritate me in places I cannot discuss.
Executive:  I get the idea.  You’re hired.  I want twelve of those bits,       fifteen minutes each, in the next three months.  Standard        contract will be in the mail.  Miss Pool will show you out.  Next      please.
Outside the studio gate:
Stanley:  And you said you didn’t know how to be an agent. 
Ollie:  I don’t know how to be an agent.  That, was acting.

-I began a series of pieces using Laurel and Hardy as
representations of right brain and left brain perception.
Not an original idea, I got it from Colin Wilson’s study,
Frankenstein’s Castle.  More appear in other posts.

Saturday, September 21, 2019

from The Litanies of Mistrust


September 21, 2008  (I was 63)

         -from The Litanies of Mistrust
Never trust:
         Hansel to follow the crumbs home
         a dinner invitation from Mother Hubbard
         the Sprats to serve a salad
         a cow’s worth of beans
         Bo Peep to tend your sheep
         a ba-ba-black sheep to give you a ba-ba-bag of wool
         a little piggy who has none
         Johnny Flynn heading to the well with a sack
Never trust:
         the swan within your ugliness
         Mary to be more than contrary
         Pete’s wife to come out of her shell
         a puss in boots
         a woman with a whip who lives in a shoe
         a spider to scare every muffet away
         Eency Weency to stay out of your spout
Never trust:
         Jack Horner to keep his fingers out of the pie
         Charming Billy not to try the young thing’s mother
         Rapunzel to let down her hair
         Boy Blue to wake up and blow
         Spoon not to run away with your dish
         a courting frog to be unarmed
         a monkey to pop your weasel
         nimble Jack to clear the fire plug

Friday, September 20, 2019

Exertion –a song


September 20, 1976  (I was 31)

         Exertion –a song
Ply the oar
with might and main
hammer the tongs
with heart and soul.
Do double duty,
strain every nerve
take pains

Work toil strive and strain
take pains

Make the pilgrimage
smoke the pipe
Prepare the ground
and watch for rain
Summon with drums
cry the hue
maintain

Gasp pant puff and blow
take pains

At daggers drawn
risk a neck
face the opinion
and stare daggers down
Bite against the grain
alone and unarmed
take pains

Astute artful crafty and shrewd
take pains

Thursday, September 19, 2019

Thinking About Snow


September 19, 1974  (I was 29)

Thinking About Snow After Listening to
John Chancellor Talk About Drug Research

little flakes
damn dissolving crystals
millions becoming liquid
brain fuses melting with every breath
Blizzard Blizzard lost in the z’s
ozone snow twenty below
channel thirteen all day long
cloud breath
Jack London on snowshoes
Conrad Aiken blowing about the corners
frozen lungs
son of snow
patron saint of slippery streets
sleet’s elite one
profound drifts
alive in an igloo

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

If you walk by the fountain


from this week of September, 2014  (I was 69)

If you walk by the fountain
you will be calmed by its waters
If you walk in the desert
the hot sun will set to cool night
If you drift on the feathered breeze
you will light on the dewy grass

This is what the flute says
as you listen alone in dim light
Its notes bring the conscious breath
into plain sight the hum of life
From within her creative being
the musician colors the air

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Change in perspective is what makes home home


from this week of September, 2018  (I was 73)

Change in perspective is what makes home home
Away possibilities are expanded
Imagination can get the best of you
the vision of becoming something else
Fast-forward role playing entices belief
Immediate time restraints are temporary
commitments reworkable
finances merely financial
Reality is home being home
In more complex ways than realized before

Monday, September 16, 2019

If you mention what it is


September 16, 2008  (I was 63)

If you mention what it is
it isn’t anymore
It begins in premonition
playing on the floor

Light and shadow from a window
cast from leaf and curtain lace
projects a shaded glow of age
across a youthful face

Eventually it sees the sound
and sound reflects the light
If you don’t say what it is
you hear a lovely sight

Sunday, September 15, 2019

In home movies more than sixty years ago


September 15, 2011  (I was 56)

In home movies more than sixty years ago
the family poses grouped as for a still shot
They don’t know what to do after the first click
keeps on clicking they look uneasy
Then they each wave their idiosyncratic salute
obviously on cue from the director/cameraman
as one by one they walk toward the lens
smiling as they are reminded in passing
leaving the frame which pans Grandma’s garden
The cameos are standard improvs
Grandma pointing to tomato plants blushing
The back screen door of his tavern opens
Grandpa steps out already looking older than he is
Young boy dons a leather football helmet
Young girl almost cartwheels on the lawn
Aunt Lucy turns to hide behind a tree
In the alley cars new then and humorous later
are classic relics now more well-remembered
than anyone who drove them