Why I Don’t Have

 

From this week in 2017  (I was 72)

 

         Why I Don’t Have

I do not like the smell of wet dog

I have no interest in discussing breeds nor feeds

I can imagine picking up warm shit to bag it

I won’t imagine picking up wet shit in the rain

I can’t do dog talk like owners do in the park

I dislike the incessant barking of my absent neighbor’s dog

I have places to put money other than vet bills

I find the concept of leashes disheartening and necessary

I do not want a dog in the house garage or yard

I don’t want to wash food and water bowls nor it

I don’t want it at my feet in my bed or on my chair

I don’t want to watch it drool nor smell its breath

I don’t like dog names

I do not think it funny when they chase squirrels

I do not want to watch it pee on a tree

I don’t want to spay it nor attend it birthing

I am annoyed at the preponderance of doggie toys

I do not want it to pull my sled or bite a leg

I do not like dogs paraded at every civic event in town

I do not want to sit next to a dog on an airplane

I do not want a dog in a grocery or restaurant

I do not want to say Don’t worry he’s friendly

I think more people have died trying to rescue dogs

than have been rescued by dogs