I don’t write in a journal everyday, but I have accumulated many entries over the past 50+ years beginning in 1966. Some items evolved into longer works. Among the leftovers little pieces survived. I thought a collection of these with a piece culled from the same date in a past year would make an interesting yearbook. The consistencies and inconsistencies of mind, skipping back and forth across time, provide varied perspectives. It is difficult to remember the context of the past we’ve lived; we also make suppositions about times that predate ourselves.

The few alterations from original drafts were to improve clarity. The worst of my work is not included. There remains enough mediocrity and immaturity to make me feel humble and you feel smart. There are also moments of accidental insight and incidental humor.

Author Stephen Crane referred to his little pieces as pills…apparently they were small and somewhat hard to swallow, but good for you.


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Thursday, July 8, 2021

There are certain waves of bad stuff

 

from this week in July 2013  (I was 68)

 

There are certain waves of bad stuff

you have to personally wade into

to get caught up and carried off

You have to make a conscious association

know on some level at least you are

on the periphery of vulnerability

So you thought you kept your distance

and only saw the bad stuff on TV

But the web of association vibrates

and the pulse in the current carries

the ripple of every stone

that strikes the surface of the grid

Associates from work die of cancer

jogging heart attack car wreck

suicide by gunshot by hanging by pills

Drunken uncle in mangled car with prostitute

Even living in a serene wooded enclave

Neighbor on one side

put a shotgun to his angry chest

Neighbor on the other side

sentenced to death then commuted to life

in San Quentin at the age of twenty-three

Threw a dope deal informant

off the San Mateo Bridge

Most recently we hear friend Chris

whose volcano remained dormant thirty years

moved to Thailand to go to jail

He drunkenly ran his pick-up truck

into two young girls on a scooter killing one 

I leave out personal stuff

and I’m serious when I say

my life has been pretty normal

pretty suburban middle-class fortunate

it’s just that we start life

with such crock of shit expectations

the actuality can take us by surprise

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