I don’t write in a journal everyday, but I have accumulated many entries over the past 50+ years beginning in 1966. Some items evolved into longer works. Among the leftovers little pieces survived. I thought a collection of these with a piece culled from the same date in a past year would make an interesting yearbook. The consistencies and inconsistencies of mind, skipping back and forth across time, provide varied perspectives. It is difficult to remember the context of the past we’ve lived; we also make suppositions about times that predate ourselves.

The few alterations from original drafts were to improve clarity. The worst of my work is not included. There remains enough mediocrity and immaturity to make me feel humble and you feel smart. There are also moments of accidental insight and incidental humor.

Author Stephen Crane referred to his little pieces as pills…apparently they were small and somewhat hard to swallow, but good for you.


Comments Welcome!

Saturday, April 30, 2022

THE JAILS An Adaptation of E. A. Poe, The Bells

 

April 30, 2011  (I was 66)

 

THE JAILS     An Adaptation of E. A. Poe, The Bells

                      (Hear me read both at JohnKallio.com  Go to: Audio)

            I

Hear the hinges in the jails -

County jails!

What a night of mischief their whining unveils!

How they grate and rasp and scrape

In the icy air of night

While the pimps that over-sprinkle

All the streets seem to twinkle

With a crystalline delight.

Doing time, time, time

For a sort of Runic crime,

To the din incarceration inevitably wails

From the jails, jails, jails, jails,

Jails, jails, jails-

From the helling and the yelling of the jails.

         II

Hear the mad prison wails –

The penitent flails!

What a tale of terror now his turbulency scales!

In the startled ear of night

How he screams out his afright!

Too much horrified to speak

He can only shriek, shriek,

Out of tune,

In futile expostulation to the deaf from the barred.

In his clamorous appealing to the mercy of the guard,

Crying higher, higher, higher,

With a desperate desire,

And his resolute endeavor

To invoke a now or never

From a mute and timeless moon.

Oh the jails, jails, jails!

What a tale their terror tells

Of despair!

How they clang and clash and roar!

What a horror they outpour.

Pounding heartbeats perturbate the air!

Yet the ear fully knows

By the twanging,

And the clanging,

How the danger grows and grows.

The ear distinctly details

From the screwing

And tattooing

How the danger nails and impales

In the wrangling and the mangling in the anger of the jails –

Of the jails,

Of the jails, jails, jails, jails

Jails, jails, jails –

In the clamor and the clangor of the jails!

 

III

 

Hear the moaning from the jails –

Foreign jails!

What a world of solemn thought their monody assails!

Of the tortures in the night

How we shiver at the sight

And melancholy menace of their tone!

For every sound that floats

From the rust within their throats

Is a groan.

Ah, the people that we accuse,

Detainees that we abuse

Are alone.

And who keeps the cagelings captive

In their muffled monotone

Feels a glory in so rolling

On the human heart a stone.

They are neither man nor woman -

They are neither brute nor human –

They are Ghouls.

And our country collects the tolls

Of their subhuman souls, souls, souls;

Souls

Sounding from the jails!

Our sense of justice fails,

Drowning in the jails!

We steal their time, time, time

for a sort of punic crime

Resounding in the jails –

Keeping time, time, time

In a sort of Runic rhyme

To the throbbing of the jails,

Of the jails, jails, jails –

To the sobbing of the jails;

Keep time, time, time

As he wails, wails, wails,

In terror, terrorist tales

Revolting in the jails!

In the jails, jails, jails –

To the jolting of the jails,

Of the jails, jails, jails, jails,

Jails, jails, jails –

To the moaning and the groaning of the jails.

Friday, April 29, 2022

That time

 

April 29, 1974  (I was 29)

 

That time

the train stopped at this unfamiliar station

(whose name we have already forgotten)

we stepped onto the platform

Through the transitory depot

we entered the stationary world again

But by this time we understood the subtleties of travel

We knew the lies of relativity

so we laughed at vehicle trees

In fact that thought remains most vividly

connected to our arrival-

vehicle trees

 

We are settled now into summer

What was apprehension is confidence

We are secure and we cannot be intimidated

There are no nightmares there is no darkness

The neighbors are polite they admire our garden

We’re giving all our money to the poor

The weather is amorous and the beach is secluded

We wonder now why it took us this long

Though the oaks have slowed

they remain reminders of our

recent travels

Thursday, April 28, 2022

In an evolutionary manner

 

April 28, 2010  (I was 65)

 

In an evolutionary manner

something misplaced becomes lost

 

like a favorite bowl for cereal

   or a pocket magnifying glass

      a sweater worn every winter

         an important poem friend

the perfect size and curved to serve the spoon

   precision crafted life enlarger

      warm wrap of retention

         layered revelations a shared complexity

 

What at first is simply not at hand

 

a disengagement from routine encounters

   adjusted agenda, procedural shift

      a temporary displacement

         officially missing as soon as questions are asked

 

Inquiry into the habitual haunts

turns up nothing

 

      empty washers and crowded cabinets

   whatever it is shrunk out of sight

powdered to ceramic dust

     frayed to wind-born lint

         forgotten words of forgotten promises     

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Morality of Homeland

 

April 27, 1979  (I was 34)

 

         Morality of Homeland

Does anyone remember

we do not come from here,

we are not of this place?

The thing that binds us

is what makes us all aliens

come no matter how long ago.

 

It is not necessary to believe

we are of this place

nor to believe we are

of the same place

nor to believe we will return there

when we leave here.

 

It is unnecessary to give a shit

we’re so many generations removed.

We were put here;

we did not make a choice,

so it’s okay if we fuck up the air

and the water and the ground.

It’s okay to pollute the fire

if that’s what we choose to do.

 

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

In your lifetime I was never young

 

April 26, 1999  (I was 54)

 

In your lifetime I was never young

Yet when you were young

your eyes were not fixed beyond my life

and we looked at things together

and a common vision could make us laugh

 

That changed at a pace I failed to perceive

and it has been some time since we laughed as one

Our interests are kept in different rooms

What we see now are distinctions

in clearer focus from a distance

 

The example of my life has been no match

for the hot clarity of youth’s magnifications

Smoldering thoughts and vocal flames

extinguished to charred ash

by the searing beam of your vision

 

Monday, April 25, 2022

The most valuable of lessons

 

April 25, 1969  (I was 24)

 

The most valuable of lessons

teaches the difference between implication

and explication

 

A teacher conducts a class

   (the verb is a good one)

Conductors must be musicians

 

A decent score is necessary

   (the adjective is a poor one)

It takes more to inspire great music

 

you gotta know how to wave your arms

Sunday, April 24, 2022

We sinners can know

 

April 24, 1985  (I was 40)

 

We sinners can know

no righteousness

We dare not judge

We dare not discriminate

We may not be morally bankrupt but

we may be morally impotent

unable to cast an individual mold

upon the small society in which we move

Saturday, April 23, 2022

Is the crisis mode of the world

 

April 23, 2011  (I was 66)

 

Is the crisis mode of the world

indeed more severe than my life has seen

Or has my awareness grown acute

by exclusion of ordinary perception

We remedy symptoms pray for cures

out of fervent habit

and subdued expectation

Youth is allowed to drive

the insignificant used vehicle

we magnanimously passed on

once our parents died

They drive to trivial music they memorized

as we did to Disneyland

where the dresses of Snow White and Cinderella

have faded and Prince Charming

is some guy with a foot fetish

who still lives with his parents

Perceptions do change with the times

Friday, April 22, 2022

Video Game: Grandpa’s Walk in the Park

 

April 22, 2013  (I was 68)

 

      Video Game: Grandpa’s Walk in the Park

         Grandpa must make his way through the park

while encountering and evading dog crap, dogs off the leash

(annoying or vicious), young children on tricycles, skateboards,

scooters, teenaged nuisances, the oblivious, damaged

walkways, baby carriages and maintenance equipment, to

reach at last the tranquil path to the Enchanted Grotto and a

meditative perch (of many and varied from which to choose).

Once there each aware breath brightens foliage, increases

bird songs, the sound of water flowing, light fragrant breezes

and artistic inspirations in all genres.

         When overcome however, Grandpa must spend real time

back at a recovery area to slow down enough to once again

make the walk the goal.

Thursday, April 21, 2022

Behind the screen

 

April 21, 2009  (I was 64)

 

Behind the screen: 

no audience

 

A profiler

looks at me sideways

 

nylons are removed

& draped over it

 

another cubicle

 

Behind the screen:

the original face

 

subtext of pretext

strategy meetings

 

accusation of instigation

smoke fibers

 

The high priest

Scourges the vestal virgin 

 

Inescapability is a meditation

 

Behind the screen:                   

hand claps loud laughs

jeers and regrets

 

the guard

goes up for his jump shot

 

you see a different pitch

you hear a different pitch

Wednesday, April 20, 2022

If Rosa Parks had a car

 

from this week in 2019  (I was 74)

 

If Rosa Parks had a car

she’da run down old Jim Crow

History determined her a star

It’s just the way karma go

Inevitable’s inevitable

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

I suppose

 

April 19, 1972  (I was 27)

 

I suppose

everyone walks around with many pains

I once took a pill to relieve pain

and it did

One by one I could count

each joint loosening limbering-

such un-preoccupied awareness!

Muscles relaxed also anxieties

My spine straightened

carried energy like a hose

The pill wore off of course

Then the completeness of its relief

was most strongly felt

as each injury returned

torn fingernail muscle pull in neck

also fatigue guilt cynicism

anger despair and insomnia

causing supposition

Monday, April 18, 2022

notes for The Poetry Class, day 39

 

April 18, 1976  (I was 31)

 

                  notes for The Poetry Class, day 39

         The period was given over to a tangential topic.  I explained

why I hadn’t read the four notebooks I had taken home last night.

I said a friend asked me to accompany him to the Alameda County

Courthouse Lock-up to visit one of the prisoners who was due to be

sent to Death Row, San Quentin.  I described the courthouse building,

the disinfectant odor of its polished hallways and the apprehensive

atmosphere of the visiting process.  I talked about the elevator ride

to the twelfth floor, the officially courteous guards, steel walls, viewing

slits, cell-like cells, echoes, the tinny sound of the visitor phones. I

told them of the crime of the prisoner I visited –pushing a guy off the

San Mateo Bridge after a drug deal gone bad. I described some of

the other visitors there.  I mentioned the victims and the sense of

depression and tragedy.  When I asked Rick if he met any prisoners

whose cases he had read about, he pointed out Eldridge Cleaver three

feet away at the next phone.  Cleaver leaned over for a look through

our view slit.  On his white overalls he had inscribed HELP in marking

pen across his right breast.  Rick said many prisoners wrote prison

poetry and he was a captive audience.

Sunday, April 17, 2022

Senate Hearing (a Generalization)

 

April 17, 1972  (I was 27)

 

         Senate Hearing (a Generalization)

Senator:       Mr. Secretary, is it our intention

(Foreign       with the bombing

Relations      one of intimidating the enemy

Committee)   into a situation where they must

                  release our prisoners

                  or fear the wrath of our continued

                  and prolonged assaults?

 

Secretary:     No Senator, I think rather

(Defense)     it is our position that bombing

                  reinforces our commitment to continuing

                  tactical support for a friendly nation.

                  Isn’t that right General?

 

General:       Actually, the purpose of the bombing

(Chief, Mil.    is to kill the enemy

Operations)   and to destroy his habitat.

Saturday, April 16, 2022

reading some poems and other poems

 

April 16, 1973  (I was 28)

 

reading some poems and other poems

         Some poems proceed outward

from an essence like the controlled

progression of ripples from a dropped stone-

even as they diminish they intimate

existence of further ripples.

The unseen ripple becomes discernible.

         Other poems stab in any direction

lines like refracted and reflected rays of sun.

The effect is often blinding;

the eyes do not adjust until

one rocketing shaft pierces the balloon of darkness

to dispatch a map of illuminations.

Friday, April 15, 2022

Where Our Taxes Take Us

 

April 15, 2007  (I was 62)

 

      Where Our Taxes Take Us

Somewhere April is the bitch of months

new snow whines to ice underfoot

sloppy spring stays coyly undercover

I have lived there and chose to leave

Now tax day

the sidewalks of Pleasanton fill with flowers

lavender blown from fragrant trees

I am royalty strolling the royal path

in the vernal warmth of prosperity

 

In the green zone of Baghdad

a roadside bomb blossoms

calyx of concussive smoke

odor of purple flesh scattered

over the stones in deranged disorder

across a path none would choose to walk

where one could bless a land frozen pure

and never comprehend a path of petals

in a town where blossoms stain the gutters