I don’t write in a journal everyday, but I have accumulated many entries over the past 50+ years beginning in 1966. Some items evolved into longer works. Among the leftovers little pieces survived. I thought a collection of these with a piece culled from the same date in a past year would make an interesting yearbook. The consistencies and inconsistencies of mind, skipping back and forth across time, provide varied perspectives. It is difficult to remember the context of the past we’ve lived; we also make suppositions about times that predate ourselves.

The few alterations from original drafts were to improve clarity. The worst of my work is not included. There remains enough mediocrity and immaturity to make me feel humble and you feel smart. There are also moments of accidental insight and incidental humor.

Author Stephen Crane referred to his little pieces as pills…apparently they were small and somewhat hard to swallow, but good for you.


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Thursday, May 27, 2021

It is as if I have decided

 

May 27,1998  (I was 53)

 

It is as if I have decided upon

a certain incarceration

which I have resolved not to escape.

It feels like a chosen sphere

of mental limitation.

It is selected repression

taking up ugly residence within me,

commitment more oppressive

for its lack of physical restraints.

It is a bondage and servitude

without redemption.

No devotion, no holiness, no light,

no ecstasy, rapture, hope of nirvana,

no grail nor golden fleece,

no solace in the ridiculous.

My vision is tainted with clarity;

no mist of compassion

blurs the view of artifice and deceit.

Not obliged to stay non-judgmental,

no amusement tempers disgust;

no match kindles the incense of freedom.

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